Boy oh Boy, what a day.  Last night, I cried myself to sleep.  After being married for 12 years, there will usually come a time where your spouse does something that just triggers your emotions.  In my case, it was Christmas lights.  Well, not exactly Christmas lights, but more so the act behind the lights.  Since we have been married, my husband has had a habit of tossing things that  “are not good” in the trash when he deems necessary.  I on the other hand, like to methodically examine items to determine their value before deciding the fate of items.  Well, you can see where this story is going.  Bottom line, he tossed my Christmas lights and decorations in the trash. You’re probably thinking, it was a mistake. Surely he wouldn’t toss away good Christmas items for no reason!  Well, as I said before, he determines if an item is “good”.  I needed those lights and I was hurt.  He didn’t even consult with me before doing so. His apologizes fell on deaf ears. There is more to the story, but here is my take away from the whole event.

It’s okay to be upset at your spouse.  Often times, when one person is upset, the other person tries to swoop in to make things better right away.  Although with good intentions, making the situation better at the snap of a finger isn’t always going to work.  In the case of my Christmas lights being tossed away, I was truly hurt and upset.  I equated him throwing away my lights/decorations as a sign of him throwing away my feelings.  In essence, not caring about me.  I needed time to heal and I needed to communicate that with my husband.  Prior to me communicating, he was constantly in my personal space apologizing and asking me if I was okay, did I forgive him and if I still loved him.  I simply told him that of course I still loved him and that I had already forgiven him before he even asked.  The problem was that I wasn’t okay.  I shared with him that although I wasn’t okay at that moment, I would be soon.  I needed time to allow my heart to heal. When one person is hurt by another, especially by a spouse it’s important that the other person doesn’t try to rush the healing of the hurt person’s feelings.  It’s best in times like those to apologize, try to reconcile and then step back when necessary.  When that person has had time to process things, they will come around-just like I did.  It didn’t take long for me to get over those tossed decorations and realize what’s really important in life. Besides, guess who will be going on a shopping spree to replace all those decorations?  All things work together…